An Apology is a Passage

Apologizing has always been hard for me. Maybe it is because I have been a very proud person, or maybe because I take such care to try to do things right that it is so hard to admit I've failed. At times I have felt that an apology is only warranted from me if I had a malicious intent in my heart. I have often felt that I am right and that the other person is wrong. I have become good at fake apologies that apologize for the other person's feelings, but not what I have done to cause them.

There is nothing better than a romantic relationship to come and challenge these shortcomings. Suddenly there is a person on the other side of the table whose feelings we care about, whose companionship we need. Suddenly we've hurt someone we dearly love.

To make any progress at all it is imperative that we take a hard look in the mirror. Suddenly there is a faint chance that we could have reacted in a way that was not out of our Highest Self. Suddenly the undesirable reaction from our lover was a response to the fractured message we sent out. Suddenly we are not so perfect afterall.

I have come to see apologies differently. An apology is a door that leads the way to a greater understanding and a greater sense of trust between two people. It is a pathway to higher ground. It is a pathway to humility. An apology carves out space for another person to live in. An apology is admitting to ourselves that we are still students in life and have plenty of good things to learn.

However, an apology is a promise as well...a promise that the other feelings are important and we will be careful with them in this specific way from here forward.

Soul Watching

"The soul is like a wild animal-tough, resilient, resourceful, savvy, self sufficient. It knows how to survive in hard places, but it is also shy. Just like a wild animal, it seeks safety in the underbrush.

If we want to see a wild animal, we know that the last thing we should do is go crashing through the woods yelling for it to come out. But if we will walk quietly into the woods, sit quietly by the base of the tree, and fade into our surroundings, the wild animal we seek might put in an appearance."

~Parker Palmer, A Hidden Wholeness

What “The Knowing Place” Knows

"My appointed work is to awaken the divine nature that is within."

~Peace Pilgrim

This morning I just sat and closed my eyes. I let the sounds around me grow in volume and softness. I imagined a blossom in my center and that the deeper I rested into meditation, it opened more and more, deeper and deeper, from my throat chakra and finally to my root. The whole time in my mind the question circulated “What does the ‘knowing place’ Know?” But finally when I got to the ‘knowing place’ what it had was a general “knowing"...a knowing of Being, rather than the knowing of specifics. ‘The Knowing Place’ knew that knowing specifics were not important.